The Green Monster
“Take a vacation!” they all said. “Get some sunshine”! they all said. But a day at the beach won’t do it. He’s been living a lie for the past 90 years, and it’s finally gotten the best of him. Years of abuse. The horrible nicknames. They used him as a shield. They even started sitting on him! Who can blame him?
The Green Monster is a Yankees fan.
Warm Apple Pie
It was something the family looked forward to every Christmas – Bubbies’ Famous Apple Pie. Though with her just about to hit 102, spending her first year at the Sunset Hills Retirement Community, we were positive it would be the first year without her warm apple masterpiece. But just as we finished dinner, out she walks from the kitchen, carrying a pie. We all cheered! As we excitedly dug in, we were struck with two questions: “How could she mistake bull testicles for apples?”, and “Where in the world did she find so many?”
I Brought You a Flower
The letter was cryptic – “Meet me at 8pm. Back entrance, Les Élysées du Vernet. – Your Secret Admirer” – the ‘i’ dotted with a heart! Could it be? Ferdidand had always been unlucky in the ways of love. He even moved to Parc de Boulogne in Paris, hoping the city of romance would work it’s magic. And now, he could finally smell the love in the air! Who was this admirer? And why such a fancy restaurant for a first meeting? He was a flutter, and didn’t care. He picked the nicest flower he could find, and stood at the back entrance. Before he knew what was happening, the door swung open and a cleaver came down, taking his precious legs clean off.
Ferdidand was left alone in the alley with his flower, hoping the couple who dined on his Cuisses de Grenouille might find the love he had yet to know.